The only thing I never expected in all of this, was how much I would regret the things I could have done. It's not that I've done anything to be ashamed of; on the contrary, I'm intensely proud of what I've accomplished. It's the thought of all that I missed that makes me regretful.
I was so scared. Walking into that ballroom for the first time, seeing the giant stage, the hundreds of people all crowded around various monitors trying to get a glimpse of what was going on… It left an impression on me. One that, to this day, I still relive whenever I enter the doors to the Evolution tournament. Along with that impression, I always have a single thought that goes through my mind, no matter how I try and prepare myself for it:
"I'm in my over my head. What am I doing here?"
And then I remember.
This article is about entering my first tournament, how I got there, and my journey to actually winning my first tournament. It is my deepest hope that this factual account will inspire some to take that leap of faith - faith in yourself, in your abilities and dedication - and try it. No matter what the outcome is.
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2006. My brother, who was already into the Street Fighter II scene at the time, gave me a copy of this game called "Guilty Gear XX". My first response was to inform him of just how much I disliked fighting games and that I was never going to play it. After about an hour of trying to convince me to play, I finally agreed. If just to shut him up. I picked a character that looked kind of interesting -some weird ninja guy - and played against my brother. Using a controller and mashing buttons like there was no tomorrow, I somehow won. And then the strangest thing happened: I played another round. I didn't win this time, and I got angry. Why didn't I win? I won the last time. So I played again. And again.
I lost far more than I won; 2 O'clock rolled around and I still wanted to play. Work the next day forced me to get some sleep. I brought the game with me, and played against some of my friends. In our own little world, I was king, dominating all of those who played me. I don't think a day went by when I didn't play that game. Everyday for six months, I played this game. All but one of my friends stopped playing, but still we progressed. I taught myself how to cancel, negative-edge and even some basic combos. It was fantastic. I was the best around.
Being the big fish in a small pond has an interesting effect: you really start to think that you're the best. Hearing about this tournament called "Evo" made me want to go and beat all of these other people. Not because it sounded like it would be fun, but because I wanted to prove I was better than them. So, to the Evo West-Coast Qualifier I went.
I can still remember walking through that door with my self inflated ego taking up most of the space, and seeing a Testament player on the big screen (whom had become my main by this point). The Testament player did 6k > 6H as a block string. Yup, I really do remember the very first move that I saw after walking into Evo for the first time. I remember, because it struck me at that moment that I didn't know Testament could do that. I knew I was out of my league immediately, feeling like a small fish all over again.
Still, I had flown 400+ miles to get there and was going to play. I don't think I won a single game that entire weekend. After my team was OCV'd by a Ky player, I asked him how he got so good at the game. He shrugged and said something to the effect of, "I play against really good people all the time." I wish I knew that Ky players name, because to this day I still want to thank him for beating me down so solidly that day. He was also kind enough to introduce me to Dustloop where I learned the actual good combos.
I learned so much from that experience, just watching those incredible players and talking with some of them. After two days, I walked away on a completely different level than I been on. Still not a particularly good one mind you, but still higher than where I had been.
For the next 3 years I entered the Guilty Gear tournaments at Evo. Every year I met new, awesome people and learned so much. …And got my ass kicked pretty good. Little better every year, but still not good enough. It was on that last year that Aksys Games had a small little set-up running a demo of their newest game: BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger. I was hooked as soon as I saw a poster of this weird blob guy with a mask on.
I knew that I had made mistakes while playing Guilty Gear: the biggest one being that I had no match-up experience against more than half the cast, because I still wasn't a part of the community. I swore to myself that I was going to play BlazBlue, and not repeat the mistakes of my past.
I followed the game for months. Waiting each and everyday for it to be released. Finally, I got my hands on a copy and started playing on Day 1. I taught myself some basic combos that I discovered (at least to me, I discovered them) and after about two days of practice, I decided to make the biggest step forward in my gaming career: I was going to go to the arcade.
From there I was more hooked than ever before. I went to Sunnyvale Goldland a few times a week and played against some really awesome people. I created a Dustloop account and started posting and discussing theory and sharing combos. The time flew by and before I knew it, it was time for our first BlazBlue ranbat. S**t.
I practiced every single day for a week straight. I practiced until my hands hurt and my fingernails were cracked (alright fine, it was a hang-nail, but it sounds better the other way). My first match in my first tournament was against Ricky Ortiz. I was scared s**tless. My hands shook and I couldn't focus. I dropped every combo I knew and was defeated easily.
The next match was even worse. With that, I was out of the tournament: last place. I didn't wait for it to end, I just went home early. A fire burned in my belly like nothing I had ever felt before. That was the last time it was going to happen like that. Next time, I was going to win. And, the very next ranbat, I lost badly again. Better than previously, but not by much.
Month after month passed, and I never got above 6th place. After V-13 was unlocked, I felt my chances of winning one of the tournaments diminished even further. So, that ranbat, I played against Goryus and won the match, much to my astonishment. After that, it was Ricky Ortiz again: the one whom defeated me so soundly before. Shaky hands and all, I won. Got a perfect the last round too.
I kept going further and further, defeating those that had seemed like gods to me a few hours before hand. All exceptionally good players mind you, ones to this day I feel are better than, but I was on fire that night. I can still remember Goryus placing his hand on my shoulder and asking me, "Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"
Somehow, I beat all of my opponents, never losing a set. I was pleased with myself, to say the least. I didn't want to look like a bad winner so I just smiled to all of the people who were clapping and cheering for me. I collected my winnings and drove off back home.
As soon as I got back into my car and was on the freeway I said aloud, "I beat Goryus and Ricky. I won a tournament. HOW THE F**K DID I DO THAT?!"
It was, and still is, one of my favorite moments of my gaming career. And it all started when I first entered that giant ballroom and said to myself "What am I doing here?"
I have met people who will be life-long friends. I have had more fun than I could ever hope to put into words and would do it all again in a heart beat. If you take anything out of this article, please let it be this: If you're thinking about going to a tournament and aren't sure, do it anyway. Don't go to win, go to play. The winning will come with time.
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